Let me be honest here:
You could be bourgeois.
There's nothing stopping you.
(Except capital.)

Is that really what you want?

If you’re at this point, and if your wish is sincere, it’s because there’s some part of you that really wants to own things that other people have to work in. And that’s totally okay. You can be bourgeois if you want to, and we’ll help you get there.

Nothing's permanent about this decision.

If you decide you don't like it, you can always choose to stop being bourgeois. There is always a path back. It is called a recession. Nobody can trick you into wanting a vineyard if you didn't before. All we can do is help you reconnect with your own existing desire to say “my guy” to a valet. No matter how you found this site, this needs to be your decision. Nobody else should make it but you (and maybe your financial advisor).

You can always come back later if you’re not ready yet. You are 100% valuable no matter what you choose. Not to the market, specifically. But to us.

If you’re ready, have someone else go make you some tea, sit down in a quiet calm space (your third home), and give yourself as much time as you need. Time is money, and you're about to have plenty of both.

If you're not sure, consider the following questions:

• Do you say “we” when talking about a company you do not own any of?
• Do you wish your friends would see you and treat you as someone who “has a guy” for things?
• Do you wish you could wear more linen? Do you find your current clothing insufficiently beige?
• Do you watch house tours of homes that have a room specifically for wrapping gifts?
• Do you want to wake up tomorrow with a portfolio?
• Are you curious about what it must feel like to ask “what do you mean you don’t have a boat?”
• Do you wish people would call you “sir,” “ma'am,” or “the Board”?
• When you grow old, do you want to grow old on a golf course you are technically a co-owner of?
• Do you have a big stupid grin on your face right now while reading this?

☝ These are things that most of the bourgeoisie want, or at least the ones who post on LinkedIn. People who aren't bourgeois generally want things like “dental.”

Perhaps you don't necessarily want to be bourgeois per sé. Maybe you only know what you don't want:

• Do you wish no one had ever seen you clock in?
• Is it hard to relate to others as an employee? (Example: “Being a worker never made any sense to me. I never understood why the guy who owns the building gets the money for the stuff I made.”)
• Do you frequently feel disconnected from the world, like a robot piloting a body that does data entry?
• Do you daydream about simply not going in?
• Do you dislike your manager's name appearing on your phone?
• Do you dislike the way your rent, your groceries, or your student loans make you appear more like the working class?

☝ If you find yourself relating to any of these things, that could indicate that no matter who you are, you might have some feelings about the labor market. Maybe being bourgeois is right for you or maybe it's not, but there are other ways to soothe these feelings. Some of them involve organizing your workplace.

Believe us, you're not the only one who feels this way.

Sometimes these feelings are tricky and difficult. Maybe you're worried about whether you “deserve” to want a nicer life. But that's the thing: almost everyone feels this way. There are, by most counts, quite a lot more of you than there are of them.

That's just a fun fact. It's not a hint. (It's a little bit of a hint.)

No matter how you answered these questions, you can be whoever you want to be.

We only give you these questions as guideposts in case you weren't already sure. None of them are necessary to be bourgeois. Only money is necessary to be bourgeois.

Everyone has the right to live in the class that makes them the happiest, subject to availability.